Never Good Enough
by MissKluck
Summary: Inspired by a picture on tumblr. Set at the end of "Things change". Nothing was going the way Beast Boy wanted it, rather he was just making everything worse. Terra didn't want him, Slade was haunting him and he endangered the team because of his ignorance. Could he do nothing right anymore? Slight BBRae, angst.


Inspired by a picture on tumblr, might be extended to a multi-chap in the future. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, only this fanfic is mine.

 **Never Good Enough**

Blood. Blood everywhere. _Her_ blood. That was the last thing he remembered. Then everything had gone dark because _it_ had taken over. Angry, upset and hurt, it had clawed its way to his surface, begging to be let out. And he had let it out. He had let it all out. The sorrow, the frustration, the confusion. Everything had been let out with it and he had for once gladly succumbed to the darkness.

In the next moment, he found himself in a bed in the infirmary at the tower. Carefully, he sat up, wincing as pain coursed through his body. What had happened? Why was he here? Why was- Raven! Memories flooded back to him. They had been fighting, the enemy had been tough and he'd been late. Late because he was convinced he'd found Terra. But Terra didn't want to be found, didn't want to acknowledge herself. No matter how much he'd begged, how he'd pleaded.

He had constantly ignored the calls from Robin, and as the guilt gnawed on his conscience, so had also his desperation with Terra. But she didn't want to listen, didn't want to hear.

"The girl you want me to be is just a memory," she'd finally said, and he'd known for sure then. It was her, but at the same time, it wasn't.

And finally, as his communicator again screamed for his help, he'd given up. He'd run away, ignoring the tears in his eyes as he focused on finding his team and their enemy. For once he relished in his job, relished in the fighting. As every member of the team knew, the fighting was a way to lose one self. A way to ignore everything else, all the problems of the world and instead just focus on one single thing; beating the enemy. One way or another, they all did that, whether subconsciously or not it didn't matter. All that mattered was that it helped to fill the void, if only for a short time.

In no time Beast Boy had tracked down his team, but what he found wasn't pretty. They were beat up and exhausted from hunting down and fighting this thing all day. And the enemy didn't seem to have taken damage either, still fighting as well as Beast Boy remembered from the day before. Terra flashed before his eyes once more as he remembered the day before, and, if only for a moment, Beast Boy was distracted.

In the next moment he'd found himself flying, crashing into the wall on the other side as the enemy had used his moment of weakness to its advantage.

"Beast Boy!" Due to the ringing in his ears, Beast Boy couldn't make out exactly who called out for him, but he had been thankful that they now knew that he was there.

Stumbling to his feet, he had grinned sheepishly, "Yeah, hi, sorry I'm late." Blood was trickling down on his forehead, but he had tried not to put too much attention to it.

"What took you so long?!" Robin had yelled in-between fighting the monster. But before Beast Boy was given the chance to answer, Robin had taken a hit, flying towards the opposite side of the building where he too had had an unpleasant meeting with a wall.

"Dude!" Beast boy called out, turning into a T-Rex to try to be of some assistance in beating the enemy. It seemed that with his arrival, they were slowly gaining the upper hand, but it wasn't happening fast enough.

As Beast Boy fought, glimpses of Terra continued to plague his mind, refusing to leave him. The Sladebot too appeared, taking away his attention more than once, bringing him back to his insecurities once more. And Beast Boy found that he just couldn't block it out, just couldn't focus on the enemy properly. Before he knew it, he was human, trying to will the memories of a rejecting Terra away when all of a sudden; the enemy was right before him.

He didn't even get the time to think, only heard a frightened "Look out!" before something hit him, sending him skidding over the floor. However, much to his surprise, Beast Boy found that he wasn't actually physically hurt from the hit. Not like he was before. Looking up, he saw a bloodied Raven just a few meters away. He looked down on his uniform too then, noticing the blood that wasn't his and the pieces fell into place. Raven had taken the hit for him. She had paid attention when he hadn't and chose to take the hit for him just because he couldn't stop thinking about Terra.

Quickly, Beast Boy ran over to her, hearing her groan as she tried to sit up. He closed in on her, but before he reached her, the monster was there again, hitting a defenceless Raven in the stomach. She groaned out loud, spitting out blood as the force of the blow sent her sprawling to the floor again in pain. And Beast Boy saw red. How could the enemy stoop so low as to hit Raven while defenceless?! How dare it!? In seconds, Beast Boy was at Raven's side, carefully cradling her in his arms to check if she was all right.

She was bleeding, both internally and externally, and although it seemed like her powers were doing their best to heal her, she was very beat up. _Bloody_ and beat up. Beast Boy felt anger rise within him again as he glared up at the monster. How dare it hurt her like that!? How dare it!? His feelings for Raven, both hidden and exposed, had come to the surface, mixing itself with everything else he was feeling and grieving over at the moment. And it had been too much for him too quickly.

He had let the Beast take over because it had promised him revenge, promised him an escape from his pain and sorrow, and in a fit of desperation, Beast Boy had accepted it. Accepted his Beast within and the opportunity to not feel anything. He had vague memories of what had happened next, as if it had been in a dream. He knew he'd jumped on the enemy, beating and fighting it with everything he had. Even though the monster was able to change form and substance however it liked, it hadn't stopped him, hadn't stopped the Beast.

It didn't matter he himself was hurt in the process. All that mattered to the Beast was that it was hurt, its mate was hurt, and this was the source. Somewhere along the road, a startled Starfire and Cyborg had come to and helped. The Beast had sensed their reluctance and slight fright of it, but they hadn't said anything because they'd understood. They'd heard about his troubles with Terra and also seen Raven take his hit. Nothing they could have said would have stopped him, and they knew it, so they helped him take down the enemy instead.

Shortly after that, Beast Boy as the Beast had collapsed. He had taken a lot of hits and hadn't eaten properly in a while either so he had both a lack of energy and blood. He remembered seeing Raven one last time before he had completely passed out. He had needed to know if she was okay.

As Beast Boy once again remembered that he was in the infirmary, he was surprised that he hadn't woken up covered in straps. After all, he had just let the Beast go on a rampage. But, he reckoned, the others had been very beat up too, so maybe they hadn't had the strength to do it. A knot tied itself in his stomach then. It was his fault though, wasn't it? If he hadn't been so busy with Terra then they could have ended it sooner and they wouldn't have to be so hurt, Raven especially.

Raven! Looking around himself, Beast Boy found that the reason why he hadn't spotted anyone was because he himself was behind a partition wall. Maybe they had been healthy enough to take some precaution after all. Slowly, Beast Boy slid off the bed, wincing as each movement sent sharp waves of pain through his body. Standing up was nearly too much and Beast Boy found himself taking a hold of the bed to support himself properly. But he had to do this; he had to know that the others were okay. And he had to know that Raven was okay, she just had to be.

Beast Boy didn't know what he was feeling or why he was feeling it, but he knew that he was feeling something. And right now those feelings were begging him to find out if Raven was okay. He also needed to know just why she'd taken the hit for him, but he would save it for later just as long as she was okay. Slowly and carefully, Beast Boy shuffled over the floor, stumbling several times from the pain and exhaustion he still felt. He stepped out through the partition walls and took a moment to collect himself as he looked around him.

What he saw made him take a sharp intake of air as he was rooted to the spot. He coughed then as the quick movement had made his chest constrict painfully. He tried to cough as discreet as possible so as not to awaken the others in the room. Carefully, he craned his neck to take a quick glance behind him to confirm his suspicious. It was completely dark outside, as he thought. So he'd slept all the way until night or? Was it starting to be morning already? Or had a new day come and gone without him knowing?

Beast Boy didn't know how to feel about that, though he knew that probably none of the others had taken a notice of it either. Before him Robin was lying carefully tucked under a blanket on the closest infirmary bed, bandage covering up several scrapes and wounds. A not so bandaged Starfire sat on a chair beside him, her head resting on his bedside and her hand firmly clasped in his. Beast Boy had to smile at them, he knew that the Tameranian cared a lot for Robin and, even though he didn't show it that much, that Robin felt the same.

On bed number two Beast Boy had actually been a bit surprised at finding Cyborg. He was connected to a computer on his bedside as well as some other machines. Beast Boy staggered over to him, watching over his best friend for a few moments. Taking a deep breath, Beast Boy turned to the last bed. He hadn't actually seen her from where he'd been before, but he'd seen her dim, glowing light and knew that she was there.

Finally, he now stood at the end of her bed, breathing heavily because of his wounds, as he looked her over. She didn't look as bad as he remembered, the wounds and scrapes were definitely smaller, and the blood was gone, but she was still wounded pretty badly. However, Beast Boy found himself very grateful for her powers and for the fact that they were so visible. There was just something relieving about seeing her float a few inches in the air with that familiar glow around her. Of course he didn't want to see her hurt, but seeing that light meant that she was going to be okay, that she was healing and, most importantly, that she was alive.

Without thinking about it, Beast Boy had walked up beside her bed and stood now looking down on her. Thoughts from earlier came back to him, with his failure with Terra and his fight with the Sladebot. And once more Beast Boy wondered why Raven had taken that hit for him. Of course, they were teammates, but still, right then Beast Boy just didn't feel like he was worth anything. He didn't feel like he was worth being on the team and he certainly did _not_ feel like he was worth sacrificing for. And yet, she'd done it.

He might be reading too much into it, and knowing Raven he probably was, but… right then Beast Boy couldn't help but hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, he was worth defending because of who he was, and not just a helpful ally on the team. Hope that she didn't truly think of him as a waste of space. That he was truly worth something to someone more than just a tool. But… that was just a foolish hope.


End file.
